I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
