I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
