I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
