Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
