the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
