I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We were destined to go to rehab together
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
