my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
