dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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