Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dating After Heartbreak
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance