just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues