do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude