the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
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I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder