I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Vodka?
Forever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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