if i can run in heels then i can drive
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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