WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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