you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
