Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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