apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
