apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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