if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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