I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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