Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
