When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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