note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
