'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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