you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
