Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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