He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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