Please, let me fuck your mom
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Are we still banned from the library?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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