guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize