so explain again why im purple
no
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
