so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is it penis luge time yet?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
