eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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