I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She even gives head with a lisp.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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