yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
