I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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