i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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