Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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