idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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