How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize