Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
