I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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