Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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