i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
