shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
