Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
