I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You made out with two different species that night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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