it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
