If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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