the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
