i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize