Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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