as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
