My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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