I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
