No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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