I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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