So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
