He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
