Quick, to the slutcave!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
