I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
