i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
