I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
