he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
