Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
ok first of all what the fuck
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
