You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
