OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
