So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
