I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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